Don’t Let Me Down

Kjærlighet / Norway / Reise / San Francisco / Tanker / May 17, 2016

I’m losing grip of your hand. Don’t go off. Wait. Keep up. Don’t let me down. Follow in my footsteps. You are right behind. I’m following you. You are blurring my sight. I can’t see you through my glassy eyes. You are lost. You are caught up in a different world: a world I’m not part of. I’m hurting, babe. We are so close, though, so far away from each other. I now know I have to leave you to find you again. I need you, you don’t know you need me. I’ll remind you. Love is a rare gem, a gem on your finger as long as you don’t forget about it. Take it for granted and it stops being rare…

Life is a rollercoaster. I wonder how many times I’ve heard that phrase. There it is. The silence. I have been looking for you. You have become a luxury I rarely consume nowadays. San Francisco is that annoying enthusiastic person who never shuts up! The sound of the silence is the most beautiful melody my ears know of. My head is placed under Toby’s, and I’m leaning back so my spine is resting on Toby’s tummy. By leaning my head back I can now stare into the eyes of the night and also hear the reassuring beat of Toby’s heart. I’m overwhelmed. I have felt this way for a couple of weeks now. I’m overwhelmed with the changes in my life. It suffocates me, but not so much that my lungs stop breathing completely. It’s an annoying suffocation that doesn’t kill me now, however, with time it will. I isolate myself, but not enough so anyone will really see it as isolation. Just enough for me to feel the pain of it. This is what moving to a new place does to you. It reminds you that things take time. You will be an outsider until you are not anymore. There is nothing in between. I have always seen myself as a stranger; stranger to anything that I know and everything that I don’t know. I’m a native foreigner.

Norway, you have become one of my long forgotten exes. I keep coming back to you, not because I love you or because you love me. But you are special to me… I do have feelings for this once upon a time place which was my so called home. Norway has a beauty that no other place I have visited has ever presented to me. The silence. The singing silence of complete muteness. I sleep better in my own bed back in Norway. I think better on the roads back in Norway. I breath better back in Norway. But the question is whether I live better back in Norway. I need love to be able to live and this is the only thing Norway doesn’t provide me… I can’t live in Norway. But my soulmate, San Francisco, drives me crazy and I’m not sure it is a good kind of crazy. It’s such an intense dizziness and my head is spinning so hard that my neck has ditched itself from my body. So as I run into the sunset away from my crush I enter the sunrise with my old flame. Good morning, Norway…

Norwegian nature

home sweet home

 

Best Regards
Renate

Quote Of The Day:
“In life, you have 3 choices. Give up, give in, or give it your all.”
― Charleston Parker






10 Comments

on May 18, 2016

Great writing! Immigrating is not an easy thing to do. I left Canada for Uganda 12 years ago. I love love love it. I am alive here. I love my work. It’s summertime all the time. Will I ever truly fit in? Not likely. Does it matter? Not really. I don’t fit in Canada either.

You’ll get settled. But it takes time. Years. Enjoy the adventure of it all.

    on May 19, 2016

    Wise words, Leslie :) Thank you so much, that means a lot to me.

on May 18, 2016

This is beautifully written. It makes me crave Norway’s silence and I’ve never even been.

    on May 19, 2016

    Thank you :D It’s for sure a place worth visiting ;)

on May 18, 2016

Great writing! I would love to Go to Norway..oh and I am a city slicker so I LOVE SFO!..lol…I am transplant from Canada to the USA and love all the places to enjoy here, but would love to go overseas! Lovely post!

Valerie

    on May 19, 2016

    Thank you for your kind words, Valerie! Canada is definitely high up on my bucket list. I would love to get some recommendations from you of where to go :D

on May 18, 2016

Very pretty post. I totally understand after leaving the US last year. I definitely have had similar thoughts, but it’s taken time for me to see clearly what a good decision this was. It takes time to get used to life abroad and it feels weird.

    on May 19, 2016

    Thank you so much. I’m glad that there are others out there that feels the same way :) It can be such a wonderful experience

on May 19, 2016

I completely feel this post! Nicely written too :)

Out of curiosity, where in Norway are you from? I’m originally from Steinkjer but currently living in Stavanger!

    on May 19, 2016

    Thank you, Caroline!
    I’m from a tiny place just outside Drammen :P Stavanger is stunning especially if you like breathtaking hikes :D



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