I Needed This

Reise / San Francisco / Tanker / October 24, 2016

There’s this movie I’ve wanted to watch for a long time, mainly because Emilia Clarke plays one of the main characters. How can we not have a crush on Daenerys Targaryen, the Dragon Queen? As we are crossing the United States of America, I’m creating severe water damage to our plane! I haven’t cried this much over a movie since The Lion King. One of the main reasons why I dislike watching movies with others is because I tend to get really emotionally involved. I think I have a case of too much empathy and I let myself relive the presented story, even despite knowing it is pure fiction. I just don’t like giving away that I’m a proper softy! So watching a movie this GOOD in the beginning of a fully filled flight to London is just asking for getting the status ‘drama queen’. I was left with a not so attractive mascara art work around my face and some worried neighbors. “Me before you” is a movie you definitely should watch. Just watch it alone in your own bed with plenty of tissues. Btw, Sam Claflin is hot!!!

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As I’m writing, I still have 6665 km left until I arrive at our destination. I’m slowly realizing by every kilometer I get further away from my flower pot, aka San Francisco, the reason why I have found myself restless in my own skin is because things are settling down. Settling down? No! I don’t like it when things become “normal”. “Normal” has always meant trouble to me. I don’t do well with settling down. I have gotten to know that this is the reason why I love traveling; I’m indirectly running away from “the normal life”. When you travel everything is constantly changing… forget about settling down with predictable hours because today has never happened before. I’m not normal, and I’m so comfortable with being uncomfortable with fitting in to the standardized way of life. I have an irregular shape that you just cannot force into one of your approved grey shapes. I have found a new job. A new job that puts a big smile on my face and lets the traveler and creative me be me. I said I would NOT get myself into something that is not me. A promise I managed to keep. You go girl! Haha, and of course: this is also a new job that will remove my established everyday housewife life. I can’t believe I have survived this for 9 months!

Despite crying a river just 5 minutes ago I’m not a cry baby. I don’t know how many times I have said I hate my own tears. They disgust me! However, the last months have been probably a lot harder on me than what I have wanted to admit to myself, or anyone else for that matter. I’m not homesick, I’m just sick of not feeling home. I’m a native foreigner and this is how it will always be for me. I don’t like what damage this place has done to my soul. But I have never wanted to give up! For some reason it has never crossed my mind just to leave the whole San Francisco fairytale behind and let Toby do his own thing. I wanted this as much as Toby did. I wanted to settle down and be successful. I wanted to settle down… I have felt like a failure the last 4 months, I felt I had no purpose in this life. Do you know how painful it is to look at yourself in the mirror every morning and feeling just empty of disappointment. “Go back to bed and dream about a better life”. That’s the reason why I have not touched my blog in a long time. When I started Red Is An Attitude I promised myself that this will be a positive but honest platform. I have been nothing close to honest or positive to myself lately. It’s time for a change, a new start. I’m running away from San Francisco, well just for under 2 weeks. I need this slap in the face to realize that I have people who love me and that I need to start listening to my own advice I so successfully preach to others.

I just need a tough hug.

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Best Regards
Renate

Quote Of The Day:
“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”
– Winston Churchill






42 Comments

on October 24, 2016

I haven’t seen the movie but the book nearly dissolved from my tears. I’m sorry to hear you are having a tough time, and yes, it is definitely time to listen to your own advice. Life is too short to stay stuck. In case you need the reminder, you got this girl!

    on October 24, 2016

    You just made my day :) thank you!

on October 24, 2016

I think I need to watch that movie! A good cry would help at the moment. We are all different and what fits to someone is not necessarily hte right this for us. I have noticed that. I’m not a 9 to 5 person and many people around me just don’t understand/approve it. Life is too short to live the way others think would be best.

    on October 24, 2016

    That’s so true! You said it :D <3

on October 24, 2016

I love the dragon queen too and I agree Sam is attractive. Glad you enjoyed the film and there is nothing wrong with having a good cry although I am the same.

on October 24, 2016

Awww Renate…I am definitely sending you a virtual hug.

I SOOO can identify with this post in a similar way, as I have lived abroad in Spain for the last several years and sometimes I miss the feeling of “having a home” however I also love the caos of living and trying out new cities. Just the idea of having something new and exciting makes my blood rush. However it has its ups and downs.

With that being said…enjoy your two weeks away from SF and find yourself…dig deep; challenge society’s image of you and create your own dream & happiness. Sometimes we have to be vulnerable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You can do it!

xoxo
Doris

    on October 24, 2016

    You have no idea how much I appreciate your words, Doris. Thank you! You just put a big smile on my face <3 and you are so right; the caos of living is what makes life worth living :)

      on October 24, 2016

      I’m so happy!!! I too just had a low moment and think I was meant to see your post. In its own way a post I wrote today relates (a little) to what you’re saying but not…lol (if that makes sense)

      Maybe you will enjoy it…its called #TheStruggle if you have time let me know what you think :) and stay strong girlie!

      on November 5, 2016

      I just read your #TheStruggle post. I LOVED IT!
      “Thinking we need to be like “this” or like “that” rather than taking the time to appreciate ourselves; for who we really are and the beautiful things we can do and create.” – it so easy to forget all the good things when we focus only on the bad ones. Thank you again, sweety <3

on October 24, 2016

I just saw the movie too, and I was on a plane too! Sorry to hear you’re having a tough time. I know the feeling of not feeling home. Hope things get better!

    on October 24, 2016

    Haha, I guess it is a popular move for the airlines :P thank you so much, Jolina. I really appreciate it <3

on October 24, 2016

Aww, I haven’t seen “Me Before You” yet. I’ll definitely take your advice and bring some tissues. I’m glad you’re going to be able to get away for a while to make the changes you want to make!

    on November 5, 2016

    Thank you, Liz! I really appreciate your kind words <3

on October 24, 2016

I’m glad you found a new job where you can be yourself! I don’t think I would be happy with the housewives life either. Good Luck!

    on November 5, 2016

    Haha, the housewife life is not for everyone FOR SURE! Thank you, Megan <3

on October 25, 2016

Sometimes escaping and getting away is the best option, been there. We all figure life out in our own time so enjoy life.

on October 25, 2016

Oh, I feel you so so SO much! This is my first week blogging after a very long time, exactly because of the same reasons as you mentioned. But I still feel really bad every morning. Hopefully, we both will get past that with a change in our lives *hug*

    on November 5, 2016

    <3 I'm sending you a massive hug back! Shit happens, life happens, right :-P? Let's keep up the great blogging <3

on October 25, 2016

Lykke til videre :)

on October 25, 2016

I haven’t seen the movie but hopefully soon I will be able too! I understand about being a foreigner and missing feeling at home. Like you Im not really homesick because our lives have been better here in Norway than they were in the states. However I would love a “home” of my own to help my children settle in more…. or just for me to settle in more.

    on November 5, 2016

    I totally see what you mean. Thank you for sharing, Carrie <3 Big hugs to you and your children!

on October 25, 2016

We have so much in common! I’m a huge softy during movies too, and actually what I’ve been struggling with recently is this feeling of not feeling home, I couldn’t put it in a better way. Though I stopped running from things and normality, after 3 years of traveling I yearn for some :) Fingers crossed :) Marta Nightingale

    on November 5, 2016

    Haha, high five for being a softy! Thank you, Marta, I really appreciate it <3 Fingers crossed

on October 25, 2016

I’m the same, get too emotionally involved in whatever I’m watching, true or not! I’ve even cried in the cinema before! HAHA

on October 25, 2016

We all go through a time like this and it’s good that you made a decision and went with it. I hope everything will feel better soon. I love that movie as well, it was such a tearjerker!

on October 26, 2016

I’ve read and watched Me Before You and it was just so amazing! It was sad, funny, lovely in all the best ways.

    on November 5, 2016

    The best movie I’ve seen in a looong time <3

on October 26, 2016

I think I am going to check out the movie and read the book. I find that books are always more exciting

    on November 5, 2016

    I haven’t read the book, but I’ve heard great things :)

on October 27, 2016

In life… you can make a lot of difference in just the attitude and way in which you deal things! Nice post!

on October 27, 2016

A little change of scenery can definitely help! That movie made me cry buckets of tears!

    on November 5, 2016

    For sure, and it really did! Haha, I watched it again on my flight back: same shit happened, poor plane :-P

on October 28, 2016

I can relate to how you’re feeling because there are many times when I feel the same. On one side, people see me this independent person that travels all over the world having no worries, but life isn’t painted the same as in the photos on instagram, is it? Behind close door only I know how disappointing I feel about myself and how not normal i feel…

    on November 5, 2016

    Instagram, or any other social media platforms for that sake, is not always a true reflection of the real world… I’m sending you a big hug <3 Thank you, Joanna

on October 30, 2016

Great post.. Remember normal is a perception and sometimes change is good! I am not a true movie watcher but this one sounds like a good one

    on November 5, 2016

    Very very VERY true, Lenora! Change can for sure be what we need sometimes. Watch it! <3



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