There’s this movie I’ve wanted to watch for a long time, mainly because Emilia Clarke plays one of the main characters. How can we not have a crush on Daenerys Targaryen, the Dragon Queen? As we are crossing the United States of America, I’m creating severe water damage to our plane! I haven’t cried this much over a movie since The Lion King. One of the main reasons why I dislike watching movies with others is because I tend to get really emotionally involved. I think I have a case of too much empathy and I let myself relive the presented story, even despite knowing it is pure fiction. I just don’t like giving away that I’m a proper softy! So watching a movie this GOOD in the beginning of a fully filled flight to London is just asking for getting the status ‘drama queen’. I was left with a not so attractive mascara art work around my face and some worried neighbors. “Me before you” is a movie you definitely should watch. Just watch it alone in your own bed with plenty of tissues. Btw, Sam Claflin is hot!!!
As I’m writing, I still have 6665 km left until I arrive at our destination. I’m slowly realizing by every kilometer I get further away from my flower pot, aka San Francisco, the reason why I have found myself restless in my own skin is because things are settling down. Settling down? No! I don’t like it when things become “normal”. “Normal” has always meant trouble to me. I don’t do well with settling down. I have gotten to know that this is the reason why I love traveling; I’m indirectly running away from “the normal life”. When you travel everything is constantly changing… forget about settling down with predictable hours because today has never happened before. I’m not normal, and I’m so comfortable with being uncomfortable with fitting in to the standardized way of life. I have an irregular shape that you just cannot force into one of your approved grey shapes. I have found a new job. A new job that puts a big smile on my face and lets the traveler and creative me be me. I said I would NOT get myself into something that is not me. A promise I managed to keep. You go girl! Haha, and of course: this is also a new job that will remove my established everyday housewife life. I can’t believe I have survived this for 9 months!
Despite crying a river just 5 minutes ago I’m not a cry baby. I don’t know how many times I have said I hate my own tears. They disgust me! However, the last months have been probably a lot harder on me than what I have wanted to admit to myself, or anyone else for that matter. I’m not homesick, I’m just sick of not feeling home. I’m a native foreigner and this is how it will always be for me. I don’t like what damage this place has done to my soul. But I have never wanted to give up! For some reason it has never crossed my mind just to leave the whole San Francisco fairytale behind and let Toby do his own thing. I wanted this as much as Toby did. I wanted to settle down and be successful. I wanted to settle down… I have felt like a failure the last 4 months, I felt I had no purpose in this life. Do you know how painful it is to look at yourself in the mirror every morning and feeling just empty of disappointment. “Go back to bed and dream about a better life”. That’s the reason why I have not touched my blog in a long time. When I started Red Is An Attitude I promised myself that this will be a positive but honest platform. I have been nothing close to honest or positive to myself lately. It’s time for a change, a new start. I’m running away from San Francisco, well just for under 2 weeks. I need this slap in the face to realize that I have people who love me and that I need to start listening to my own advice I so successfully preach to others.
I just need a tough hug.
Quote Of The Day:
“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”
– Winston Churchill