I have always imagined it to be heavy. Heavy on the finger, heavy on the soul… There is a part of me that find this thing around my finger irritating. The nail of my thumb is constantly scratching the skin where the thing is touching. It is too beautiful for my sausage like stump fingers. What annoys me is not its presence, but rather my acceptance of it. The fact that I let it so willingly slip onto me. Like a dirty secret, I had to know it, and the taste of the word coming out of my mouth was so unexpectedly pleasant. I am happy, which I believe is the foundation for this skin irritation around my loving ring. Am I ready to be this happy? Do I deserve it? The answer is probably no, but that was not what I said to Toby. I had to capture him before he realised that I am getting the better deal; I got the dream man! Have you ever watched a Disney movie and wished you were the beautiful princess fighting off the evil witch, and falling childishly in love with Prince Charming? Mermaid Ariel’s life seemed just so easy. She only had to chop off her fin and give away her voice… I had to fucking move to England to find The One!
I can’t do anything else than giggle like a child by the thought of how romantic that man is. I’m not going to make you guys puke from the sickly sweetness, but hey, how often does a girl get engaged!? Our journey had taken us all the way up to Hong Kong. And more up it went… We had decided to do the hike up to the top of The Peak. The Peak is the peak of HK, and that peak became the peak of our trip.
I looked so gross! No makeup and sweaty like a pig after walking up those damn hills… Then, when we finally got on top of the hike, where you get to see a lovely garden, Toby was determined to leave straight away and continue down on the other side of the mountain. I had a nasty go at him. I was hungry, tired and grumpy after that tiring climb, and I was not ready to go down again, yet. Toby is a control freak, probably the only person on earth that is more of a controlling bastard than me. He is also the only one who has figured out how to control me… However, in that very moment I decided that this was going to be the day Renate put her foot down! “NO!”, I was not moving. I was steaming with anger. This man thought he could drag me up here and then think he could drag me down again like a stupid dog! I was going to enjoy this garden… It took approximately 45 seconds before I ran after him, like a lost puppy, when he started walking off without me. Manipulative control freak! So he got his way, again, and I eventually decided to give up yelling at him just because he is too manipulative to be mad at.
There was something strange about Toby that day. That day he was so eager to get up, and for the first time of this trip, he actually got out of bed before me. When we finally got on the other side of the mountain, where the view of Hong Kong can make anyone go silently “wow”, we both forgot all about the Peak’s beauty.
The best way I can explain the way Toby proposed is ‘raw’. A beautiful feeling stripped down to the most natural look. There were no glam or glitter, no overdone romance, no sugarcoating, and no one else than us. It was just raw. As raw as the wind against your neck on the top of a mountain. The whole world is under you, and the way its eyes are looking upon you makes you love it even more. The feeling of love and respect is also mixed with a hint of adrenaline and fear; what if I fall, what if the world swallows me whole, what if I crash land onto its surface. Even though it is kneeling underneath me, we all know the world is not the one standing on the edge of a jump away from death. That shiny diamond under my nose is a trick. It is a trick to get me to jump. It is a game of trust. Will I let myself fall backwards into the arms of the world? Can I trust someone that much with my own life? The answer is yes. YES, yes, yes, YES! The kneeling man made a face… but for some reason he still just sat there on his knee. My ears were so overfilled with tears that I couldn’t hear my own voice laughing out the three letters. I had been waiting for this day, but still, I was so far away from being prepared for it. An overpowering rush of happiness drowned my eyes. I couldn’t believe that this was actually happening. His face turned into a nervous laughter, still kneeling with the ring presented royally in a red velvet box. That’s when I realised that the whole confirming conversation I just had with him had only happened in my head. Not a single word had come out of my mouth. My vocal chords broke down, so the only thing Toby got from me was an overexcited and wet nod.
I truly love how simply raw Toby had done it, it was so real and pure. This had to be celebrated! However, this was also something Toby, my loving and controlling man, had carefully planned out. As he literally dragged me down the mountain, since I was too busy telling strangers that I just got engaged, he tricked me around my own engaged finger. I thought we were going back to our crappy cockroach and rat invaded backpacking hole, but no… Suddenly, we were standing inside the lobby of Hotel Mira; one of Hong Kong’s nicest hotels! “Mr. Roger, I’m thrilled to tell you that we have upgraded you to the finest Spa Suite”. Say what!? Toby!!!
They said if our relationship survived this backpacking trip it could survive anything. I think they were right. I don’t know how many people I have heard who say that traveling is the best way to turn a friend into an enemy. You are on top of each other 24/7 and things you might never see in your everyday socialising suddenly become visible, and if you don’t like what you see you will still have to deal with it 24/7. I have gotten to know Toby and also myself better the last 3 months than I have in the last 4 years. I now know what I like and what I don’t like about my surroundings, but maybe more importantly what makes my surroundings like or dislike me. I have confirmed my extreme lack of direction, my very annoying habit of making a mess where I (and Toby) sleep, my desperate need of calculating risks, my possessive attitude over my toiletries (I do not share my stuff with ANYONE!), leaving my long red hair strands everywhere, my ADHD hyperness, my starfish sleeping style, my coffee breath, my passion for taking photos of everything, my childish opposition for reading news, my goldfish memory, my terrible music taste, my very very very old phone that I refuse to let go of, my babbling of makeup, the joy I take in terrorising Toby with devilish facts of how roller coasters or heights are not safe for tall Brits, my love for Pokemon and rabbits, my high pitch voice when I think something is cute, my insulting of The Walking Dead (Toby’s favourite TV show), my lack of cooking skills, my terrible British accent, and I could go on for ages… After listing all of these things, which Toby has explicitly said he loves me despite of, it makes me wonder what that boy actually sees in me. Toby, I can promise you one thing; I will always annoy you! The day I stop annoying you is the day I stop loving you. In other words, I am sure our love will just become stronger with time!
I have let myself fall from the top of the mountain… With today’s divorce stats one might end up not taking the marriage concept seriously. Marriage is like a parachute. Fly as high as you can, but the daunting landing will have to come one day. If the parachute is not quite right you will end up with a smashed face on the mountain’s foot. However, despite this I chose to let myself fall, and I hope that the man I fell for is also the man that is going to catch me in his arms when my time has come. To death do us apart…
Quote Of The Day:
“If you have someone that you think is The One, don’t just think in your ordinary mind, ‘Okay, let’s pick a date. Let’s get married.’ Take that person and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all around the world, and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. And if, when you come back, you’re still in love with that person, get married at the airport.”
– Bill Murray