The Thickness Of My Skin

Reise / Review / Tanker / July 23, 2015

I wrote this blog post in frustration; you should never publish anything when you’re angry, they say. Well, I didn’t. I left the text in a word document, hidden away on my computer, for a few days. Then I rewrote it and decided that it was too “look at me, I want to save the world!”, but that is not what I am trying to say with this blog post. So I then rewrote it again, and sent it off to one of my friends to read it. The person didn’t like it at all; he said it was too personal and honest. That’s when I decided that I had to publish it! The fact that I managed to make someone uncomfortable with my text means that this is a topic that needs to be addressed. I am not trying to preach to anyone about anything, and I am only raising my opinion on a topic that I see as a very current issue.

As a redhead I have grown up with the fact that thick skin is needed. However, despite all the teasing and fighting (yes, I did have the temper of a redhead) I never really developed this so-called thick skin. As I grew older the redheaded, midget champion in me became more controlled, and I learned how to put on a fake smile even when I rather wanted to tear the head off that someone. Is this what thick skin is all about; learning how to socialize with dirt bags? No, thick skin is about not caring about what others think about you. This counts for both positive and negative opinions. Most online platforms have a very scary function connected to it; the comment field. Here you are basically asking people to test the thickness of your skin. Looking at some of my favorite public figures out on YouTube, Facebook or other blogs there is always an irritating skin scratcher luring in one of the comments. To be honest, I don’t think you can be good at this game if you do not listen to people around you, and by listening to others you are allowing your skin to breath in other people’s opinion. In other words, your skin can’t be too thick. It is just like putting in earplugs in order to shut out all the noise from the crowd because you are trying to listen to someone’s important speech. The speech will drown with the rest of the crowd, and you have not managed to capture the important message. The problem is not the skin scratcher, it is the acceptance of allowing these scratchers to cut the skin of others just because they are public figures. Any other person would have been allowed to say “Ouch, that hurt!”, while a public person has to suffer in silence.

There is definitely a difference between constructive comments, negative comments and those who are down right outrages, ignorant and mean. We all have to deal with negativity from others, and some of it can actually be very useful in order for us to improve whatever we might be doing. People have different tastes and opinions, which is essentially what makes a conversation interesting. The feedback we get through online platforms can be as useful as face-to-face interaction. Often it might actually be easier to give constructive feedback in writing, and therefore, the comment field can be a very important information pool. Though, discrimination of any sort (whether it is sexual orientation, gender, age, religious beliefs, or race discrimination) should not be tolerated by anyone! Not even by a thick skinned public figure.

Being a blogger you are undressing yourself in front of so many people you don’t know. Would you feel confident on a stage with thousands of people in front of you and then on top of that getting your clothes striped away. You are naked and you can only hide behind your own hands. I did this myself; I went onto the stage and I undressed willingly. So when I see other bloggers getting slaughtered for no reason, by someone who is not even tough enough to show their real name, a part of me wants to leave the game while it is still fun. Luckily, I have very rarely experienced non-constructive comments on my blog. But if you do a quick click on one of the bigger bloggers or any celebrities out there you can find so much hate. This makes me angry. I don’t understand why ‘public’ people should have to take such shit from others.

For a few weeks ago I got a very inappropriate comment on one of my photos. The photo was of myself, fully dressed. This sexual comment from a 70-year-old man was not something I had asked for, and any other person would have reacted in the same way I did. However, what really made me angry wasn’t the disgusting comment in itself, it was rather the reaction from some of my close ones. When I told them about this incident they just responded “Well, Renate, by being a blogger you are kind of asking for it”. WHAT? Just because you are standing naked in a public street doesn’t give anyone permission to assault you! What the f***!? Yes, there is a dark world out there and some people will do you no good, but blaming it on the victim makes it just ten times darker. We need to get thicker skin, not because of online bullies, but from society’s acceptance of harassment.

My jewelries are from the lovely Paula (you can find them here).

 

Best Regards
Renate

Quote Of The Day:
“I am responsible for my own thick skin. You are not responsible for testing my skin thickness.”






16 Comments

on July 23, 2015

No one is born with thick skin, we only grow it through hard times. Been there done that, made out alive and stronger. I think we all have people whose comments will always matter, the rest is just white noise. I never get involved into any discussions with strangers online. State your opinion and leave it behind no matter of the comments after.

    on July 23, 2015

    That is one of the best pieces of advice I have heard in a long time, Lina <3

on July 23, 2015

My favourite blog post so far:
“It is just like putting in earplugs in order to shut out all the noise from the crowd because you are trying to listen to someone’s important speech. The speech will drown with the rest of the crowd, and you have not managed to capture the important message.”
love it!

on July 23, 2015

Haters gonna hate. You know who you are and who loves you ❤️ These people who make comments have their own issues and have chosen people like you to be the target. I feel sorry for them, that they can’t deal with their own frustrations and resort to picking on innocent by standers. They want to crush you, see that they have succeeded in ruining your confidence. So Renate, the only thing you can do is to prove them wrong. Never let them win the battle. I know you put up a good fight ;)
Love you

    on July 23, 2015

    Thanks sweety <3 Luckily, I haven't experienced anything too bad, so I'll be fine. I just feel so sorry for those others who have to deal with stuff like this every single day. As you said, haters gonna hate. Love you too <3

on July 23, 2015

Det var prikken over i’en, du er flink til å uttrykke deg, Renate! Og jeg er så enig i det du skriver. Du er en flott person du! :-)

    on July 23, 2015

    Linn Beate, du er et fantastisk menneske <3

on July 24, 2015

Du er så vakker, Renate. Elsker det bildet på toppen (det i profil).
Og du er utrolig flink å skrive og uttrykke deg!

    on July 24, 2015

    Tusen tusen tusen takk, Lynn Helen! Det satte jeg virkelig stor pris på å høre <3

on July 24, 2015

Mulig jeg ikke forstod alt , men utrolig godt skrevet, å så sant så sant. Du skal ikke tro du er noe , er nok helt spesielt for Norge. Flott jeg heier på de som tørr å vise seg selv og si det de mener. Masse lykke til.

on July 24, 2015

Great blog post! I’m all for negative constructive comments but like you said some dark negative comments are just not needed. Keep it up! Don’t be afraid of your opinion, it’s what makes us come back and read more!

on July 25, 2015

Mulig jeg ikke forstod alt , men utrolig godt skrevet, å så sant så sant. Du skal ikke tro du er noe , er nok helt spesielt for Norge. Flott jeg heier på de som tørr å vise seg selv og si det de mener. Masse lykke til. Klemmer fra mamma



Leave a Reply


%d bloggers like this: